Transitions of Infertility

My husband and I went to the doctor's office yesterday in high hopes that we would find out we were expecting again. The nurse who took me back into the exam room had a worried look on her face as she looked over my chart, but I just shrugged it off. I guess it should have given me a clue about what to be prepared for when the doctor came in. The nurse was hesitant but decided that she'd take a urine sample if they needed it. This is pretty much standard procedure for me, so I really thought nothing of it.

After getting a great blood pressure reading, I gladly went around the corner, gave my specimen and came back to my room. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity, it was more like a little over an hour. I stared at the walls and became increasingly uneasy that it was taking so long. When the doctor finally came in, she had that same grim look on her face, so I knew that I was to expect bad news. I was prepared to hear that I was miscarrying and nothing could be done, but what I heard shocked me even more.

She basically sat me down and said that there was nothing more that she could do for me. She explained that the lining of my uterus is getting thicker everyday. This thing happens normally, but mine is abnormal and too thick. The bleeding/spotting is coming from my body not being able to contain all the wall. She said this wasn't serious, but is something that could become serious very quickly. She prescribed a medication that will make me bleed heavily for 2 weeks to a month. She thinks that will help clear out all the 'gunk' left inside me. She also told me that my cervix has been through a lot of damage from past pregnancies and she thinks that's the reason I've lost so many children in the past. Now my cervix is hardened and won't allow any sperm in, that's why I've not gotten pregnant in over 2 years. The next step in trying to get pregnant would be fertility drugs, a sugar lower medication (to enhance the fertility drugs capabilities), and a IUI (inter-uterine insemination).

I was just dumbfounded by all this. It was information overload for me and I couldn't believe that I'd hit this point in the road. And then she says this, "You are running out of time." I knew I was and even stated that before, but to hear it come out of her mouth so bluntly was quite a shock to me. It was almost like hearing a death sentence. Now I know that she can't know the exact time or date when my chances will be over with, but I believe she has an idea.

She referred me to a specialist who helps patients with PCOS and infertility. The first measure of treatment will be to get all the bleeding to clear up and possibly manually scrapping out my uterus. The specialist will probably do some internal probing and possibly even a exploratory surgery to find out if anything else is wrong. Then would come the actual fertility treatments, all of which will not be covered by my insurance. I'm not sure how far we will go with this, but I am going in for the first visit to get his opinion and discuss some options.

My husband and I took the evening out last night, did some shopping, got our minds off things for a bit, and then did some serious talking on the way home (over a nice cup of Starbucks no less). Both of us feel that intervention or not we WILL have a baby. We're praying about where we should go from here. The first step is to get me healthy again, of course. But the rest is still a mystery.

Last night both of us felt a definate peace about things and I believe that's a direct effect prayers from all over. I didn't want to write anything last night because I wanted things to settle in my mind and for God to be able to speak to me about it if He wanted to. Today I still have a peace about things, but I have been delaying calling the specialist to confirm an appointment. I'm not sure why I'm procrastinating. I think it's largely due to the fact that my husband is at work right now and I'd feel better about it if he were here. Anywho, that's my very LONG update.

~*Melody*~