Walking Down Memory Lane

Tonight I've been studying some for the middle school girls class I teach on Wednesday nights.  I was surfing the web for some resources to help me with the next series of lessons I'm teaching.  Such strange feelings go through me sometimes.  I pulled up my old Crossed Out Youth Ministries email account.  Crossed Out was the youth ministry that my husband and I pastored for 5 years.  I deleted its website several years ago, but I never could bring myself to delete the email account.  All youth related things are still directed there and there are so many memorable emails stored there; emails from students, parents, and fellow peers in youth ministry.

Anyway so I'm sitting here tonight and this feeling comes over me.  The only way I know how to describe it is an intense sudden sense of purpose.  The passion bubbles up so quickly within me and its so easy to go back into youth pastor mode.  Recently our youth pastor empowered all the youth leaders to act as youth pastors over their particular small group.  I'm not exactly sure I understand the logic behind that, but on one hand it does feel nice to have that kind of confidence behind us.

I know that God took RL and I out of youth pastorship for a reason.  I have yet to discover that reason and sometimes I greatly struggle with that.  But it's nights like tonight that reassure me that God has not taken my passion and zeal for youth away.  Albeit strange, I am thankful that God allows such feelings to flood my heart and mind.

ETA:  After I posted this the first time, I glanced up at today's scripture of the day...
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:2-3) ...... Thanks for that reminder Lord. I love you too.

~*Melody*~

BTW:  I'll be catching up with posting my Photo 365's in the next couple days.  I have taken them, but just haven't taken the time to blog them.

Transitions....

Some transitions are easier than others. The one I'm about to describe is not one of the easy ones. It's through transitions like these that I reflect back on these words penned by Ralph Waldo Emerson...

"Not in his goals but in his transitions is man great."

And so as I pen my own words, my heart is heavy. I have felt this tug for a few months and have made every excuse for it. But no longer can I push this tugging aside. What is the tug, you ask? I even dread writing these words. It hurts to even contemplate that I'm going to write the words I know I need to.

It is time I said goodbye; goodbye to youth ministry.

I'm now sure that God is pulling me away. Today I sat and spoke with another youth leader who's been having some questions of their own. Talking with that person solidified the feelings I've been having. My husband and I have spoke about it. He's expressed a desire to let go, but I haven't been able to let go. I don't want to let go, but I feel I must.

There's so many questions on my heart and so many unknowns at this point. My heart literally trembles inside of me as I contemplate the hows of this transition. How do I leave when I know that I don't want to? I know God called me into this so many years ago, yet why am I being called away now? These are the questions I have for God and no human answer will do. I desire to hear from God directly. As scripture says, I will seek God with all my heart and soul and I will find Him (Deut. 4:29).

With a heavy heart, I write these words tonight not knowing the purpose of this calling to what seems like nothingness. But as the quote implied above, maybe this isn't nothingness, but maybe this is the great part of the journey.

One can only hope.

~*Melody*~

BTW, my thankfulness post is still on the way. I'm still working on my wording. It's really important that I get this one right.