Running

"Its so easy to run FROM God, but so hard to run TO God. I'm going to pray that God gives you that last bit of courage and passion to draw you right to the place where He wants you."

 I wrote these words to a friend tonight and God struck a cord in my heart.  "What are you running from child?  Why must you take the easy way when I've called you into the difficult?"

Talk about knock my breath away for a second!  I would never call my life easy, but what does God see that I don't?  Am I making decisions in life because they are easy or because they are what God wants me to do?  At the moment, I can't answer that question with a definitive answer.  

Philippians 2:5-8 (NKJV)  says this...

⁵ Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, ⁷ but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and⁸ And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. coming in the likeness of men.

This scripture was the first one I saw today and it was the one I needed.  Jesus was God in the flesh.  He knew all and was (and is) all powerful.   Jesus could have done anything He wanted while in the fleshly body.  Yet He chose to take the difficult path.  He chose to become a servant to man. And He chose to be obedient to the point of death on the cross.  It wasn't easy for Jesus to give up His will and lay it all down for us.  None of the suffering Jesus endured was easy or okay for him, yet He went through it anyway.

When I think of the suffering I've experienced, I should remember the suffering that Christ chose to go through for me.  It's honestly often hard for me to think that Jesus knew the kind of suffering I've experienced.  How did he know the emptiness of my arms?  How did he know what it's like to have a child die inside his body?  But when I really think about it, Jesus chose to live a life alone, without a helpmate, without a wife.  Jesus never knew the joy of holding his own flesh and blood in his arms.  I know the Bible doesn't mention his thoughts on this, but I do imagine that being human he felt the absence of that special family bond.  I know that He knew all our pains and I believe that He knows mine too.  When Jesus went to pray in the garden of Gethsemane, He prayed so hard that His sweat became as blood.  Can you imagine someone praying that hard for you?  To know that He was praying for the coming days and all of us is more than I can even comprehend.  It's no wonder that His whole body was affected.  While He was suffering being beaten, carrying that cross, and finally dying, I was on His mind.  All the pain and shame I've been through was on His mind.  My Jesus ran straight into the difficult and the impossible, not because He wanted to, but because He knew we needed Him to.  He not only became our salvation, but He showed the Way.

*taking a moment to let that sink in*

Lord,

  Examine my heart and mind.  Show me the Way....the way of Your plan, the way of my specific path.  Help me to run to You, God.  I'm much too weak and weary from this journey.  I feel my strength is almost gone. Be the strength and the courage I need.  Help me to put the easy way out of my mind. Give my heart the urgency I once had.  Return to me Lord the complete joy of my salvation.  I desire to see You vividly again. Forgive me for running in any direction other than You.  Thank you Lord for never leaving my side and awakening my spirit.  

In Jesus Name....AMEN

For anyone reading this, be blessed today and know that you have the power to choose which direction you'll run.  

~*Melody*~

After Some Prayers...

Since my last post, I've really spent some time in prayer. Most of it though has just been meditative prayer, meaning that I've been just sitting and letting God speak to my heart. God knows the questions that I have and He's honored me by answering a few.

Some answers:
How do I move away from youth ministry? His reply - Slowly. Prayerfully. Guided only by Me.
I'm still not exactly sure what that means, but I know that my biggest apprehension was thinking that I was just going to have to rip myself away like you'd rip a band aid off a wound. I anticipated the transition to happen immediately and that it would leave me empty. I dreaded that feeling of complacency that I have strived so hard to avoid. God's words have brought me some needed reassurance.

Do I just leave these kids and completely turn my back on them? His reply - No.
Again I'm not sure of how my relationships will change with these kids, but apparently God doesn't expect me to leave them high and dry. This eases my heart more than I'm able to articulate. It also gives me hope in the direction He's leading. The thoughts that keep running through my mind are that I may still have a ministry with this age, just that God wants to remove me from the traditional quote-on-quote youth ministry. It's hard to explain, but I feel that God is continually pulling me from these comfort zones that have held me for so long.

What doors will this close for us in our local church? His reply - silence....
I think I know the reason for the silence. I'm sure this is an area that God is trying to show me that He's working behind the scenes. I know the importance of this issue in my mind, but I suspect that He doesn't count this as such an importance. ....ouch....toes...stepped....on.....


So where does this all leave me right now? In a word, still. I'm left still at the moment. My husband and I haven't talked a lot about this. I suspect that God is working on his heart too and I'm sure he'll let me know all about it once he feels like he can. The only thing we've talked about is not doing anything till after the beginning of the new year.

So at this point I'm at....We shall see.

~*Melody*~