Sick Break

I'm sorry for my absence over the past few days.  The dreaded bug finally hit me.  Thankfully it wasn't the flu.  I think I got a little bit of the stomach virus and a cold.  The cold has turned into some nasty sinus stuff though and that's what's kept me down the longest.  Yesterday was probably the worst day so far because my ears were throbbing most all day.

Praise God I'm feeling better today and He took away the ear ache.  Ugg, ear aches and tooth aches are some of the worst pain.  Please continue to pray that I'll be able to get rid of all the yucky mucus.  I'm doing my best to get it all out so that I don't have to go get antibiotics to clear up an infection.  I haven't been to the doctor for an illness all year and I can't tell you how happy that makes me.  This is the longest stretch of good health of my ENTIRE life !  To God be the glory !  And my thanks also to the natural health route I'm on. 

I have a busy weekend planned.  Today I'm cooking for our church's annual Thanksgiving dinner.  I'm taking (the very mountain traditional) chicken and dumplings, a sugar free banana bread and cornbread.  So far I've only gotten the chicken cooked, but it shouldn't take long to put the banana bread together.  Then I'll fix the cornbread last and if I don't have time to make it, then it won't be any major loss. 

After the dinner, RL, Lou and I will have some family time together.  We're going out to a late movie and maybe some dessert. LOL....today is not a healthy food day for me.  I'll try to pick out some good veggies at the dinner though.

Sore Finger Thursday

Tonight I'm going to take a break in my green entries.  I'll resume these on Monday because I'm going on a little weekend gateway.  I'll be surrounded by family and celebrating a dear sweet little boy's first birthday.  Today I've been preparing for the trip and finishing up some last minute knitting.

I learned a valuable lesson today : my fingers and small needles don't make for a good match.  My poor fingers are so sore from knitting that I can barely stand to type.  Oi I'm telling you I'll never forget this one.  But I guess that's what life is about; living and learning.

Tomorrow morning I'm hoping to have time to do a nice and sunny fall mini photo shoot with my latest knitting pretties.  I can't wait to share with you my latest creation.  It's one of the cutest things I've made in a while.

So this is short and sweet.  Tomorrow night I'll be blogging from a different state.  Prayers for a safe journey are much appreciated....

~*Melody*~

Sitting at the Coffee Shop

Growing up I would have laughed at you if you'd told me that one day I would look forward to hot cup of Joe.  I'm having a nice gentle white chocolate mocha while my dear husband is sipping a kicky chocolate peppermint latte.  'Tis very refreshing indeed.  Our local coffee shop The Daily Grind measures right up there with Starbucks.  I'd say that their Macchiatos are much better than Starbucks.

Anywho, this entry isn't a coffee review.  I guess I was just being reflective today about some lifestyle things.  I sat for about an hour cleaning some gooey glue off of some glass containers I'm repurposing.  Yesterday someone asked me to sell them some of my MSG free ranch dressing mixture.  Thankfully I have a few containers laying waiting for such the task.  I do really enjoy repurposing.  It's great for the wallet and the planet.  Lately I've been searching the 'net for some repurposing inspiration.  I do a lot already, but I like the challenge of looking for even more ways.   I'm thinking about doing some posts on my 'green' ways.  Would you be interested in reading that?

As I was writing this entry, I wasn't sure which blog to place this one in.  I'm a bit torn at times between combining my two blogs anyway.  Oh well, I can't decide for now.  So you get this entry in both blogs.  ;-)

~*Melody*~

P.S. You can check out my bloggin pic in my Twitter feed.

Cloud Pictures

Have you ever gazed up into the sky to see a cloud formation that you could swear looks like a frog or your favorite animal? If you haven't, I encourage you to go stare at the sky (during the day) till you see something. A long time ago, I was the leader of a girls ministry that was similar to Girl Scouts. I'll never forget the lesson that had us to go outside and cloud gaze. It was such a fun time with the girls, which most of them remember vividly to this day.

This afternoon I was alone because my husband had to work the late shift at work. I did a few things around home and then couldn't take it anymore and had to get outside. I grabbed my knitting, my cell and headed out the door. My van stopped just inside the parking lot of our local recreation park. I decided I'd go enjoy some time on the swings. Originally I had planned on knitting while I swang, but when I got there I felt like God was urging me to spend some time alone with Him. So I found the 'perfect' swing, which coincidentally was the one that squeaked the loudest, and began to swing my legs and pull that swing higher and higher.

For a little while, I watched a young family play frisbee on the baseball field. I laughed at the thoughts of the teen boys asking who "that girl" was as I walked by. Sometimes it's nice not to be called ma'am. ;-) But then a set of birds flew by and the skyline caught my attention. I began breathing in that fresh mountain air and noticed that it wouldn't be long before the sun would be well below the mountains that surrounded me. For a brief second, I felt like someone was watching me from behind. I turned my head in an attempt to see if someone was around me, but didn't see anyone. As I looked back forward, the sky got my attention; more specifically the clouds got my attention.

There in a large cloud formation was something that looked like my beloved childhood dog, Ginger. But this Ginger had wings ! LOL. I chuckled outloud and told God, "Very funny!". Then I heard very clearly, "I care enough to want to make you laugh and to see you smile.". It's amazing what happens when you spend time with God and don't expect anything. You just come with an open heart and mind. I didn't come with any specific requests and I wasn't seeking answers. It was all just about spending time with my Father alone in the park this evening.

God's been teaching me some amazing things this week. I began reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I'm part of a book club that's reading this book right now. What an amazing book it is! I'm taking my time, absorbing it's words and letting God teach me through it. There's a few online videos in the first chapter that the author directs you to watch. After watching the last one, I just felt impressed to let my Wednesday night girls class watch it. The video is mainly focused on a call to salvation, but it's not the typical salvation video. The video helps you to think about your relationship with God, how amazing this life really is, and how no one leads an ordinary life. It explains some of the main principles of the Bible and God's love for us.

After the girls watched the video, I could tell that God was working on hearts and we discussed a few things. I felt God's leading, so I gave the girls a challenge for this week. Their challenge was to take a few minutes out this week (especially during a hard moment), go outside or to their bedroom window, pick something to focus on (a bird, a tree knot, etc.), tell God their need for Him, and wait. I challenged them to allow God to show up and let them feel His presence. I went on to explain that I couldn't tell them what they'd feel, but for me when I ask God to do this, I feel like a little girl climbing up into my daddy's lap like I did when I was a kid.

All of a sudden, I noticed tears running down the cheeks of one of my girls. I paused for a moment and asked God to take over. I walked over slowly to the crying girl and comforted her. I'm not sure what I said, but soon another girl was crying. Before I got around the room to her, tears started forming in another's eyes. It kept on like this till the whole room of girls was crying. As much it pained me to see them crying, I knew that God was definitely in our midst and He was working on their little hearts. God was using this time to allow them to open up and let some feelings out. I went around to each one of them and just let whatever God wanted to come out of me. I held them as they shared things and cried some more. The girls began to love on each other too. I really saw God in that room.

All this time, I've been asking for God to show me where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing. But I had it all wrong, I didn't need to be the one to show up, it was Him who needed to be allowed to show up. I still can't pinpoint what was different about this particular night, but all I know is that God was the only thing that mattered in those moments; moments that flew by so quickly. Wow what a blessing it was to be a part of it all!

I believe that God opened up this time with the girls to draw me closer to Him. I can't do anything without Him. I've been so concerned lately with discipline issues and finding the right curriculum for these girls. But I now realized that God can cure any discipline issue I'll ever have with them. The problems and issues that surround these girls are greater than I knew and God alone is their answer. I simply just need to point them in the right direction and to encourage them along the way. This past week has put a passion and a love in me that I haven't felt in a long time.

Thank you Abba for showing me Your grace and mercy. Thank you for wanting to see me smile. Thank you for the girls you've placed in my care. Thank you for allowing me to see Your glory. Thank you for helping my girls to let their feelings, fears, and tears flow out. I pray that I would ever seek You in the difficult and the good times. Blessed be Your Name. A Name Above All.

~*Melody*~

A Quick Little Interuption **ETA

So this post has nothing to do with my entries about the Women of Faith conference, but I just had to take the time to blog a bit about my life as of late.

Well I've been in a great mood for a little while now. It's gotten so much better since the conference, but in general I just feel happy. It's so refreshing to feel like I'm able to let go of things in my brain a bit and just be content with life. I feel the rush of freedom flowing through me and it's quite exhilarating. As I told someone recently, I'm going to thoroughly enjoy this feeling as long as it may last.

My husband's squad has set up a little gym in one of their truck bays. I've been going up there and working out some lately. It's nice to be able to work out and not feel like the whole world is staring at me. Best of all, it's completely free to use at anytime we wish. There's also that added benefit of working out with your husband (*blush*). I enjoy spending the time with him and keeping our bodies healthier. Last night I could really tell that the workouts helped to mellow my brain clutter. Brain clutter....aka the never ending chatter, thoughts, pictures, memories, etc. that go on inside my head. I was able to go to sleep last night before midnight with absolutely no trouble at all. I didn't have the 30-45 minute fight with myself before laying down. Nor did I have the hour or so of tossing and turning before I fell asleep. It was lovely !

I'm also excited about my upcoming anniversary and trip. Friday my husband and I will celebrate 10 years of wedded bliss. We are planning to spend the day together and have a nice meal out somewhere. But we are waiting till later this month to take a week long beach trip. We went to the same beach on our 5th anniversary. It was the first time I'd ever been to the beach. I'm hoping and praying that hurricanes and tropical storms will stay away for the duration of our trip, because I really want this one to be special. I'll share more details about it all later.

I wish I had more time to blog on a daily basis. It seems that I've lost many of the readers I once had and that saddens me. But with everything in life its just so hard to keep up sometimes. I'm taking a lunch break right now (and have yet to get anything to eat). I'm working hard on making more plarn bags for my shop on Saturday. There's more details about in my Creative Radiance blog. So I guess I'd better get my food and back to work.

Lou and I on her 15th Birthday !!! My my, where have the years gone? My sweetheart looked so beautiful on her day!


~*Mel*~

**ETA : Oh and I forgot to mention that I've finally decided it's time for a blog change. I'm still gathering up ideas (and courage) to make a complete change. I'll probably change sometime next week after all my conference weekend updates. I'd love any ideas you have to share. I think I'll change both this blog and my Creative Radiance one too. My life is changing all around so why shouldn't my online presence change too?

Life Changes

I've been delaying writing another post partly because I was in incredible denial and secondly because I've been so busy with all the changes.

My godchildren and their parents no longer live close to us. They have been assigned a new pastorship in the middle part of the state. So I'm adjusting to the fact that my dear little ones now live 5 hours away. It's been hard to face the facts. There's times when I can still hear my goddaughter calling out my name. I half expect to turn around and feel her wrap those little arms around me. I digress...I know that their family has to follow after God's Will, but I will miss seeing them on a regular basis.

The ministry oportunity that was presented to me a few weeks ago is still something I'm pursuing. It's not where I want to be and I feel like it's not really where I'm supposed to be, but for now I'm needed there. I will continue in this position until we can find a suitable replacement. I'm a litte pressed for time right now so I'm not able to go into any details at this time.

This will have to be the end to my quick update. I'm blogging from the public library because my internet has been down all day at home. I hope and pray it comes back on soon. Until next time....

~*Melody*~

Late Night Blogging

I haven't blogged here in the entire month of May. Part of me has been longing to share my heart, but most of me said I should guard it closely. You see over the past month, life has hit me with some incredible highs and lows. I am feeling stronger now, but there are moments when I'm overwhelmed with pure emotion.

Mother's Day came and went; another special day with empty arms. Our last child was due on Mother's Day so emotion and pain hit me hard on that day. I honestly haven't cried that much since our first couple miscarriages. I don't know what came over me, but I just let the tears flow. Many people at church noticed. I'm not sure if they all knew why I was crying, but they noticed. I received two lovely cards telling me that they were thinking about me and how I should be celebrated as well on this Day. I appreciated all the kindness and support from my church family. I also opened up a bit on my Facebook statuses. I'm amazed at how many people responded back with love, prayers and *hugs*. I never realized so many people would actually care about me enough to respond back, but they did and I am so grateful for those comments and their concern.

Shortly before Mother's Day came news about future plans for my godchildren and their parents. I can't share too much yet, because nothing is finalized yet, but there's a very high possibility that my godchildren will no longer live 15 minutes from me. It's more likely they'll live about 5 hours away. My heart breaks when I think about the distance between us. I love both of those children like my own. I have loved and cared for them their entire lives and the thoughts of not having them near have brought great sadness to me. I know that God has a plan for this family and that His ways are much higher than mine. I know that I can't be selfish and expect God to keep them near me because I love them so much. I also knew that there would probably be a day when God called them away. I know these things......but it doesn't make it hurt less.

One of those highs I spoke of above came unexpectedly for my fertility. While charting my temps, I discovered that I had indeed ovulated on cycle day 14, which is perfect in terms of a normal cycle. I could hardly believe it! Seeing those little reds lines on my chart sent such hope to me. My temps were staying high and my heart raced each day at the thoughts that I may be carrying another little one. After about a week's worth of increased breast tenderness and a few other odd symptoms, I was almost certain that I'd be announcing God's miracle working power in me in the next few weeks. Cycle day 28 came and as I took my temperature that morning I was so certain that it would be high that I almost didn't even look at it. But when I did look at it, I found it was extremely low, 96.5 to be exact. My heart sank as I realized that I wasn't pregnant and this was the signal of an impending start to a cycle. Later that day I did begin spotting. Thankfully, I was with my godchildren and their mother at a doctor's appointment when I discovered the spotting. They helped me keep my mind off of things for a while. However, later that evening those all too familiar feelings creeped back in and the deep disappointment lingered.

A few days later I was able to reflect on the past cycle though. God did bless me with a miracle; the miracle of a textbook, normal cycle. I couldn't ask for a better, more balanced cycle than the last one. I know that God sent the evening primrose oil my way for a reason. I took 3000mg for the first part of my cycle (prior to ovulation) and the results prove that it helped me. I also kept taking my 5 days of soy isoflavones and used progesterone cream the last part of my cycle. I plan to go on a soy break for 2 or 3 months and continue using EPO and NPC only.

I wish I had the time to blog about more things tonight, but I need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is one of those long, tiresome days at church. I should describe them as stress filled days. I don't have the time or the energy to fully describe what's going on lately. I wish I could say that the stress derived from the overwhelming amount of good or ministry that we are doing, but sadly I can't. I am very discouraged and disappointed at the lack of actual ministry being accomplished right now, particularly through the women's ministries. Being a member of the leadership, I guess I should assume some of that responsibility. And before I say anything else that I might regret, I guess I should end this here and just ask for your prayers. I need some direction right now. I have seriously considered backing out of women's leadership for various reasons. I don't like to quit anything and find it hard to say no when asked for help, but I am learning that there are times in life when one must walk away from things. I don't know if this is one of those times or not. I'm just praying about it right now.

Blessings....
~*Melody*~

Change of Plans and Illness

Wow its amazing how fast plans can change, huh? My weekend ended up being nothing like what I wrote about in the last entry. Lou changed her mind and didn't stay with us. So we took on a different project....living room reconstruction. There had been a spot on our floor that felt weak under your feet. So my hubby and I moved around the entire living and dining room so that we could pull back the carpet and address the flooring issue.

Sure enough when we got the carpet pulled back, there was a square that had to be replaced. Apparently one of the tongues in our tongue-n-groove subfloor had given out over time. So we got that all replaced and the carpet back down. Then there was the hard task of moving everything back.

I'm amazed at how much junk one can accumulate over a couple years. There were things inside our entertainment center that I never even knew existed. LOL, it was a bit of a hidden treasure hunt, particularly with a video of Adrian and I from Summer '04. Goodness that video was taken almost 5 years ago. My my how life has changed in those 5 years.

We finished up all the moving and cleaning Saturday night. I believe this is a true miracle. I didn't think we'd finish till later in the week because there was just so much stuff everywhere. I was so surprised and so proud of my husband for all his help in getting the cleaning done.

Shortly after I went to sleep Saturday night I woke up feeling very dizzy and I was freezing. I reached over and grabbed my trusty thermometer (read annoying) that lives beside my bed (thanks to infertility). My temp. was right at 102 degrees (F). Oi. I knew it then, I had picked up the nasty little virus that has been floating around for months. Here it is spring and I hadn't caught it yet. I thought I'd escaped it, but I was wrong.

Today is the first day I've felt well enough to sit up for a while. My fevers finally broke sometime overnight. I'm so thankful because I was beginning to feel out of my mind. Its wonderful to feel level headed again. ;-)

~*Melody*~

With a More Level Head

First of all, I just want to thank all of those who read my last post. Thanks for your support, wisdom and prayers. I appreciate that you gave honest and genuine responses.

I'm not exactly sure what drove me to such a low. I think it may have been rooted in the time I spent in that room earlier that day. The questioning had been in my mind for some time though. It's very ironic that I was writing that entry while watching "Mama Mia". LOL, you'd think that a light hearted musical would have brought me some happiness and an uplifted entry. Oh well, that emotion filled entry is over with now.

Today RL and I spent some time with Genna at the park. She is so precious sometimes. There were several little girls that she talked to. She was even encouraging them to be big girls on the swings. I enjoyed going down the big metal slide with her. LOL, it's the only one adults can really fit on. It's also the one I used to play on as a child. I find it rewarding to share something with our goddaughter that I enjoyed as a child.

Poor Genna was totally exhausted though. She took a lot of water breaks during her playtime. She was super clingy too. We went to McD's for a snack and to let her play in their play area. As I was standing in line waiting for our food, RL came carrying her back to me. She was crying and I was sure she'd gotten hurt. She wasn't hurt, just wanting her mommy and to go home. We brought her home and she cuddled with me for about 45 minutes while we watched TV. It was so nice snuggling up with her. I was telling her how much I enjoyed our cuddles. She looked up at me and said "You love me and I just love you too." I almost cried. Good times...yep good times.

Our night ended with Lou's chorus concert and some late dinner at the Mexican place in town. Tomorrow's plans are for some grocery shopping. I've been using coupons lately and have been learning about ways to save as much as possible. I need to do a post about what I've learned. Maybe I could do that tomorrow. I'll also be doing a bit of cleaning before we pick Lou up from track practice. She's staying the weekend with us. So that means I'll get to be "momma to a teen" for the weekend.

~*Melody*~