Life As I've Known It

As I wrote in the last post, life has been dramatically different for me over the past few months.  I took an online hiatus in August because our home was finally blessed with a child.  We picked up our dear sweet 18 month old from a very abusive situation one hot rainy August evening.  It was very sudden and completely unplanned, but quite possibly the highlight of my entire life.  This little boy filled our hearts and our home very quickly.  We were in hopes that we'd get to give him a permanent home.  We'd spoken with various people in social services about adoption and thought we were well on our way there.  Unfortunately on Valentine's Day, only a few days before his second birthday, social services called me into their office under the false pretense of discussing some paperwork but instead took our beloved little boy away from us.  We were understandably devastated and completely heartbroken.

We know that he was given back to his biological mother and taken to a local homeless shelter. She had nothing for him and he only left with the clothes on his back.  I can't let my mind think about it too much now, but the thing that tore me up the worst was knowing how confused he must have been.  My husband and I were the only stable parents he'd ever known.  We were his parents for a little over 6 months and as a mother I hurt deeply for him, along with my own personal pain.

Just as quickly as we became parents, we weren't parents anymore.  I still consider myself that little boy's mother, no matter what biology says.  I'll always hold his heart in mine, just as I have for the many other children who've came and left our lives.  There have been many dark days and nights since he left us, but God has began healing my heart again.

I hope to be able to share my joys as a mother in the coming weeks.  There are lots of memories that will cherish till the day I die.  Being that little boy's mother, no matter how short lived, was the greatest experience of my life.

~Melody

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me"  1 Corinthians 15:10 NKJV

Realize I've Been Very Absent

Sorry for the long absence.  I've had a ton of life happen since last writing here.  From my Mammaw's sudden heart illness and hospitalization, to her breast cancer and treatments and now to a very life altering event for me personally.  I do plan to write about all these things very soon.  I need a place to document this very dramatic time in my life.

I also plan to go back to a private blog for a while.  My story is very personal and I need to know who's out there reading it all.  Sorry if this is a pain, but please leave a comment here if you'd like to be added to my reader list.  I have a few of my friends listed already. 

I hope and pray that your 2011 is off to a great start.  And I hope to reconnect with my (former) blog readers.

Blessings,
~*Melody*~

Running

"Its so easy to run FROM God, but so hard to run TO God. I'm going to pray that God gives you that last bit of courage and passion to draw you right to the place where He wants you."

 I wrote these words to a friend tonight and God struck a cord in my heart.  "What are you running from child?  Why must you take the easy way when I've called you into the difficult?"

Talk about knock my breath away for a second!  I would never call my life easy, but what does God see that I don't?  Am I making decisions in life because they are easy or because they are what God wants me to do?  At the moment, I can't answer that question with a definitive answer.  

Philippians 2:5-8 (NKJV)  says this...

⁵ Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, ⁷ but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and⁸ And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. coming in the likeness of men.

This scripture was the first one I saw today and it was the one I needed.  Jesus was God in the flesh.  He knew all and was (and is) all powerful.   Jesus could have done anything He wanted while in the fleshly body.  Yet He chose to take the difficult path.  He chose to become a servant to man. And He chose to be obedient to the point of death on the cross.  It wasn't easy for Jesus to give up His will and lay it all down for us.  None of the suffering Jesus endured was easy or okay for him, yet He went through it anyway.

When I think of the suffering I've experienced, I should remember the suffering that Christ chose to go through for me.  It's honestly often hard for me to think that Jesus knew the kind of suffering I've experienced.  How did he know the emptiness of my arms?  How did he know what it's like to have a child die inside his body?  But when I really think about it, Jesus chose to live a life alone, without a helpmate, without a wife.  Jesus never knew the joy of holding his own flesh and blood in his arms.  I know the Bible doesn't mention his thoughts on this, but I do imagine that being human he felt the absence of that special family bond.  I know that He knew all our pains and I believe that He knows mine too.  When Jesus went to pray in the garden of Gethsemane, He prayed so hard that His sweat became as blood.  Can you imagine someone praying that hard for you?  To know that He was praying for the coming days and all of us is more than I can even comprehend.  It's no wonder that His whole body was affected.  While He was suffering being beaten, carrying that cross, and finally dying, I was on His mind.  All the pain and shame I've been through was on His mind.  My Jesus ran straight into the difficult and the impossible, not because He wanted to, but because He knew we needed Him to.  He not only became our salvation, but He showed the Way.

*taking a moment to let that sink in*

Lord,

  Examine my heart and mind.  Show me the Way....the way of Your plan, the way of my specific path.  Help me to run to You, God.  I'm much too weak and weary from this journey.  I feel my strength is almost gone. Be the strength and the courage I need.  Help me to put the easy way out of my mind. Give my heart the urgency I once had.  Return to me Lord the complete joy of my salvation.  I desire to see You vividly again. Forgive me for running in any direction other than You.  Thank you Lord for never leaving my side and awakening my spirit.  

In Jesus Name....AMEN

For anyone reading this, be blessed today and know that you have the power to choose which direction you'll run.  

~*Melody*~

God Has a Way...

God has a way of working out things in our lives.  For a while now, I have been planning on writing a resignation letter to the Women's Ministry Team at my church.  I had decided that I wanted to concentrate solely on youth ministry.  I couldn't adequately do what I felt I needed to in both ministries, so I went with the one where I felt like God wanted me to be.  I do desire to do some women's ministry, but at this time, I feel like God wants me to stay working with my middle school girls.

I waited and waiting writing that letter though.  I'm not sure if it was just mere procrastination, fear of confrontation or maybe I was actually waiting on God, but in any case, I'm glad that I waited.  This past Sunday I was handed a thank you card and a flower for my service over the past year by the women's director.  Apparently God had been working behind the scenes and the women's ministry was completely dissolved (in the form that it had been).  So now I don't have to worry about writing a letter of resignation, there's nothing to resign from.

Isn't it strange and great at the same time when God takes care of things for you?  I mean, we all say that we trust Him to do just that, but do we really?  Do we really trust that God will handle things for us? Even the things that are the most uncomfortable?  I've been teaching my middle school girls about the different themes of the Bible.  We've been studying about how God cares, comforts and takes care of us.  This past week we were reading Psalm 37 about how trusting God allows him to bring good to our lives.

Look at this...
³ Trust in the LORD, and do good;
         Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
 ⁴ Delight yourself also in the LORD,
         And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
      
 ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD,
         Trust also in Him,
         And He shall bring it to pass.
 ⁶ He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
         And your justice as the noonday.
      
 ⁷ Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
         Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
         Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
 ⁸ Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
         Do not fret—it only causes harm.

Trusting and delighting in God brings us the desires of our heart. In contrast, anger, worry, or being unpleased with life only cause us harm.  Could this mean that being discontented with life holds God back from bring blessings into our lives?   Are we tying God's hands every time we complain or worry about our lives?  Oh my, this really makes me think twice about how I perceive about things !

I was talking to my mom earlier this week about perspectives.  We can look at things through a negative or a positive viewpoint.  There's a mountain directly across from my driveway.  On that mountain there's a wasteland of dead kudzu vines among the bare winter trees.  But there's also some evergreens clinging to rich dark green leaves.  I can choose to look at that mountain and only see dead things or I can choose to look and see that life is still present in the evergreen leaves.  It's my choice what perspective I take, not just in matters of things I see, but also in how I choose to feel about things.  What if we made the conscience choice to alter our viewpoints to the positive side?  What if we found something purposeful or meaningful about everything we go through in our lives?  Would God be able to move more effective in our lives? I'm inclined to think so.

Another thing that came to mind while I was talking to Mom was the differences between boundaries and limitations.  Boundaries are set by God; ie right from wrong, black from white.  Limitations are placed by man (often ourselves).....for nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).  We shouldn't allow man's limitations to hold us back from God's possibilities.  Please join with me in not allowing your own perspectives, fears, worries or complaints to hold you back from experiencing God's best for you.

Photo 365: 2010

Yesterday I finally got caught up on posting all my Photo 365's to my Flickr page.  You can now view them via my side bar.  The pics began to take up my whole blog, so now they are all in one convenient place.  If you'd like to see the pictures in a bigger size, just click on the word Flickr and it will take you directly to my page.

I'm not exactly sure my pictures are in order by day, because when I added a new memory card, my phone mixed them all up.  But I almost certain that I'll be ok with that. ;-)

Ok I hope to be back this week with some actual posts. Life has me very busy lately and I haven't taken enough time to blog or write.  I'd like to change that.  Plus I'm dying to share some new design inspiration with you.

~*Melody*~

A Note From My Pastor

Our church has been using Facebook a lot lately.  It seems that people have really opened up to one another through this medium.  While at first I thought it was quite strange that people could be so friendly online, I slowly came around to the idea.  I questioned the validity of their friendship over and over, that is until I saw people actually communicating in real life.  There's a wave of joy that's come over our congregation and honestly it's quite intoxicating.  I have more desire to serve in the church again.  I personally haven't gained any new friendships from any of this, but God has awakened the servant inside of me again.

Today I received the following message from my pastor in my inbox.  He's been sending these out a couple times a week now for about a month.  I thought I'd share his encouraging word for the day to you all as well. 

~*Melody*~

------------------------
Encouraging Word
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Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we’re not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don’t maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don’t twist God’s Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God. 2 Corinthians 4: 1-2 The Message

It's amazing isn't it? When the whole truth is shared about what Jesus has done in you and I things really get exciting... What's happening in our families is nothing short of a miracle. It's not hype or exaggeration. We're putting Jesus on display - making Him famous, and He is responding to our worship.

I stand amazed really. I received a letter from an adult and a youth in our church this past week. Both said almost the exact same thing - that we need to get into God's Word and allow HIS TRUTH to wash us into holy vessels pleasing to His name.

Be encouraged today to put aside the mask. There's no need to play games. Be encouraged to get real with God. Be real! Walk a real walk! Talk the real talk!

We don't have to twist the obvious because we are all a work in progress. Let everyone see that we are God's children, each in the process of growing into His image. We don't use masks to cover our past or our failures. We are pressing toward His high calling...

However, more important than us pressing forward to reach God, He has initiated the first step in reaching out to YOU and I. It is HE who has initiated this redemptive plan. Thanks God we are part of His plan and have responded to His voice!

Because of such great love, we are NOT ABOUT TO THROW UP OUR HANDS AND QUIT! I'd encourage some of you to get down right angry at the enemy and put your hands on your hips, tilt your head back and look that ole' devil in the eyes and say, "Honey... I'm just getting started. I'm not about to throw up my hands and quit. You might have had me, but you sure don't have me now. I'm blessed. I'm favored. I'm God's child. I'm serving at my church. I'm reaching out to my community. I cannot be deterred, delayed, or denied. I will not quit!"

Blessings,

JG

Back in Public View

I decided it was time to make my blog public again.  One of the reasons I decided to write in this blog was to journal my journey; my transitions if you will, being on private almost defeated the purpose.  I've taken time to heal from past events and am ready to move on.

My apologies to anyone who might have wondered what happened to me.   I'm still around and will be more active here now.  I have almost 2 weeks worth of Photo 365 to catch up with posting.  I have that on my schedule for this week. 

See ya then....
~*Melody*~