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Monday, March 16, 2009

I Suppose....

I suppose this post should be going into my private waiting on baby blog. But I felt the need to share this with someone other than myself. There will be pictures involved, but I need to share the feelings more.

For quite some time I've been saving baby clothing and items for our future children. Actually we've been gathering items up since we found out about our first pregnancy back in 2000. We only bought a few items for that first pregnancy before we found out that they (multiples) had not survived. We were pregnant again just a few months later and just knew that joy would finally come to us. I bought lots of things during the few weeks of that wee one's life. I drew up some plans for my husband to build a large hope chest to house all my child's treasures till their birth or at least till the nursery was finished. Unfortunately that baby passed weeks before the hope chest was completed.

Years passed and so did several more pregnancies. My hope remained in that chest for so long. Here and there I'd buy things for certain pregnancies or just for the hope of the next one. I stuffed little baby items into that chest until I couldn't even get the top closed anymore. So the items miagrated to a new home....an actual room....a nursery.

Here's that nursery now...

A view of the closet, with all the cute little dresses and outfits.

Top drawer of the dresser, complete with shoes, tights, hairbows, pacifiers, hats, bibs, etc.

The Care Bears art that matches the crib set we bought for the '05-'06 pregnancy.

The second drawer of the dresser/changing table. It's full of sleepers, onesies, and pj's.

The toy shelf - completely overflowing....with a nice prayer cross under it (I have the matching boy version in the bottom dresser drawer.)

The big watch clock on the wall, next to the piggy bank partial full of money for a child that isn't even conceived yet.
The peaceful corner.....

Ellie, the elphant I bought .... after...

So here's those feelings I need to share. Lately I've been thinking that maybe I should get rid of these things. These little items of hope that I've held onto so long. A friend of mine once advised that I get rid of them; that I should just erase that away. But I'm so torn. I don't want to give up hope, but am I hanging onto hope or memories of the past. While I wait, how many children could be using these items? Is it selfish of me to hold onto these things?

Has my chance, my promised child already came and gone? I don't know and I won't know until or if things ever change. I know this sounds like a bit of a degression from some of my former posts. Maybe it is, or maybe this is just the beginning of something to come.
~*Melody*~

7 comments:

Hippie Housewife said...

Oh Melody...I wish I knew what to say. You are daily in my prayers.

Nicole said...

I'm so sorry :(

I know my inclination would be to get rid of the things - but that has to be a personal decision for you.

Linda said...

Melody, PLEASE DO NOT GET RID of the Clothes and everything you hold Dear to your Heart!
God is going to give you a Healthy Baby Girl! I Believe it! Praise The Lord! I Love You, Melody!

Love,
Mom

Adrian said...

I think you should hold onto those things. That's just me. I'm praying that one day soon you will have a little one to use those items. *hugs*

Korey said...

I defiantly can't advise for or against. For me, personally it'd be hard to see those things, but I'd probably store them away where I couldn't see them, and then pull them back out. It's always gonna have to be your choice. I just pray for you and RL. I hope and pray that this year will be the year you have a baby to put in those clothes.

Stephanie Joanna said...

Mel, you have created such a beautiful nursery for your future baby. I would keep it as is, but that's just me. You have to make the decision that you think will help you most in your healing process. If you do decide to keep all the items, remind yourself everytime you look at them that there is a whole network of people out there praying for you and your hubby. The items are a testimony to your hope, not your loss.
xox

Reece said...

I don't have anything to offer other than my love and prayers. I think about you often and ask God to give you the child for whom you so longingly wait. *hug*

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