"Not in his goals but in his transitions is man great."
And so as I pen my own words, my heart is heavy. I have felt this tug for a few months and have made every excuse for it. But no longer can I push this tugging aside. What is the tug, you ask? I even dread writing these words. It hurts to even contemplate that I'm going to write the words I know I need to.
It is time I said goodbye; goodbye to youth ministry.
I'm now sure that God is pulling me away. Today I sat and spoke with another youth leader who's been having some questions of their own. Talking with that person solidified the feelings I've been having. My husband and I have spoke about it. He's expressed a desire to let go, but I haven't been able to let go. I don't want to let go, but I feel I must.
There's so many questions on my heart and so many unknowns at this point. My heart literally trembles inside of me as I contemplate the hows of this transition. How do I leave when I know that I don't want to? I know God called me into this so many years ago, yet why am I being called away now? These are the questions I have for God and no human answer will do. I desire to hear from God directly. As scripture says, I will seek God with all my heart and soul and I will find Him (Deut. 4:29).
With a heavy heart, I write these words tonight not knowing the purpose of this calling to what seems like nothingness. But as the quote implied above, maybe this isn't nothingness, but maybe this is the great part of the journey.
One can only hope.
BTW, my thankfulness post is still on the way. I'm still working on my wording. It's really important that I get this one right.